Disharmony at BQ HQ!!!!
I had so many opening lines planned out for tonight's Burger Quest.
Like, SO many perfect one-liners. They were good, too. Funny and witty and clever and brilliant (and have I ever told you how modest I am??) and they were going to completely BLOW your mindholes with how excellently I started out tonight's post.
BUT.
Here I am, feeling like I've got steam coming out of my ears (someone check me over; do I? No, seriously, DO I??) because tonight is the first night in all of our 16 weeks of burgering that we've had our first TRUE disagreement on the burger.
It got heated guys, and I'm not just talking about the strip heating hanging overhead (which actually does a really good job of keeping that semi-outdoor area warm), I'm talking complete opposites of the spectrum with raised voices and red faces and popping veins and the whole shebang kinda heated.
(I never exaggerate either, by the way. Ever.)
I suppose it's time to let you know that **I** was the wedge between the BQ team this evening. Well, that's to say, the others all agreed with each other whereas I did not. At all. Even a little bit. Really, though, it was bound to happen sooner or later. We've impressed ourselves with how similarly we've all rated the burgers, and considering we've been at it for over four months now and we DO all have quite different palates I guess we were overdue for a bit of a blowout.
OK, it wasn't exactly a blowout.
I should really get to the point, shouldn't I??
Tonight we were joined by Chipolatte. He and Chicken each ordered a chicken burger. Chipolatte opted for the Caesar's Palace (some sort of chicken bacon burger) and Chicken opted for the Sweet Chilli Chicken - which is fairly self-explanatory - and Hungry Hungry Hippo and I both went for the Crispy Bacon & Cheese and added pickles (mine minus onion, of course) which, with the added pickles, came to $12.50. We got a serve of fries and the sweet potato chips with two sauces (which all cost extra - the chip/sauce combo adding an extra $16) and we took our table number and sat down.
I ordered after Chipolatte but before Hungry Hungry Hippo (who ordered for himself and Chicken) so when Chipolatte's burger was brought out to him I was pretty keen that mine was up next.
Nope.
The others had their burgers brought out maybe five minutes after his, and then after a further five minutes (Chipolatte had finished eating, Hungry Hungry Hippo was 3/4 of the way through his and Chicken halfway through hers) I realised that I had been forgotten, so I went up to the counter to chase it up. Sure enough, they had misplaced my order. The girl who served me was very apologetic though and extremely friendly and helpful and she made sure mine was made and brought out immediately (even remembering my order after having only mentioned it to her once) so she made up for the discombobulation a bit. It's probably to be expected though - it's only in its first week and these sorts of hiccups are to be expected, especially considering how very busy it was tonight.
The others were very complimentary about their burgers while I was hungrily waiting for mine. I munched on some chips. The sweet potato ones were pretty good.
After a bite or two Chipolatte, with his mouth full, exclaimed, "best yet!" Hungry Hungry Hippo noted that the bottom of his was "soaked through", but it "tastes amazing." Chicken wore this massive grin the whole time and could hardly talk for the enjoyment that was clearly present on her face.
Can you see where this is heading?
Mine finally arrived. I picked it up and took one bite, struggled through a second bite, put it down, took a knife from the table and chopped a few bits off to try them separately, and after consuming what I estimate to have been approximately 5% (that says five percent) of the burger, comprised mostly of the pickle and the tiny, crispy sliver of bacon (which were both tasty) decided that it was inedible (yes, inedible) and I couldn't eat another bite. Even now, over three hours after eating, I still have an awful aftertaste from that burger and I hardly even ate any of it.
Like, SO many perfect one-liners. They were good, too. Funny and witty and clever and brilliant (and have I ever told you how modest I am??) and they were going to completely BLOW your mindholes with how excellently I started out tonight's post.
BUT.
Here I am, feeling like I've got steam coming out of my ears (someone check me over; do I? No, seriously, DO I??) because tonight is the first night in all of our 16 weeks of burgering that we've had our first TRUE disagreement on the burger.
It got heated guys, and I'm not just talking about the strip heating hanging overhead (which actually does a really good job of keeping that semi-outdoor area warm), I'm talking complete opposites of the spectrum with raised voices and red faces and popping veins and the whole shebang kinda heated.
(I never exaggerate either, by the way. Ever.)
I suppose it's time to let you know that **I** was the wedge between the BQ team this evening. Well, that's to say, the others all agreed with each other whereas I did not. At all. Even a little bit. Really, though, it was bound to happen sooner or later. We've impressed ourselves with how similarly we've all rated the burgers, and considering we've been at it for over four months now and we DO all have quite different palates I guess we were overdue for a bit of a blowout.
OK, it wasn't exactly a blowout.
I should really get to the point, shouldn't I??
Tonight we were joined by Chipolatte. He and Chicken each ordered a chicken burger. Chipolatte opted for the Caesar's Palace (some sort of chicken bacon burger) and Chicken opted for the Sweet Chilli Chicken - which is fairly self-explanatory - and Hungry Hungry Hippo and I both went for the Crispy Bacon & Cheese and added pickles (mine minus onion, of course) which, with the added pickles, came to $12.50. We got a serve of fries and the sweet potato chips with two sauces (which all cost extra - the chip/sauce combo adding an extra $16) and we took our table number and sat down.
I ordered after Chipolatte but before Hungry Hungry Hippo (who ordered for himself and Chicken) so when Chipolatte's burger was brought out to him I was pretty keen that mine was up next.
Nope.
The others had their burgers brought out maybe five minutes after his, and then after a further five minutes (Chipolatte had finished eating, Hungry Hungry Hippo was 3/4 of the way through his and Chicken halfway through hers) I realised that I had been forgotten, so I went up to the counter to chase it up. Sure enough, they had misplaced my order. The girl who served me was very apologetic though and extremely friendly and helpful and she made sure mine was made and brought out immediately (even remembering my order after having only mentioned it to her once) so she made up for the discombobulation a bit. It's probably to be expected though - it's only in its first week and these sorts of hiccups are to be expected, especially considering how very busy it was tonight.
The others were very complimentary about their burgers while I was hungrily waiting for mine. I munched on some chips. The sweet potato ones were pretty good.
After a bite or two Chipolatte, with his mouth full, exclaimed, "best yet!" Hungry Hungry Hippo noted that the bottom of his was "soaked through", but it "tastes amazing." Chicken wore this massive grin the whole time and could hardly talk for the enjoyment that was clearly present on her face.
Can you see where this is heading?
Mine finally arrived. I picked it up and took one bite, struggled through a second bite, put it down, took a knife from the table and chopped a few bits off to try them separately, and after consuming what I estimate to have been approximately 5% (that says five percent) of the burger, comprised mostly of the pickle and the tiny, crispy sliver of bacon (which were both tasty) decided that it was inedible (yes, inedible) and I couldn't eat another bite. Even now, over three hours after eating, I still have an awful aftertaste from that burger and I hardly even ate any of it.
So here I am, preparing to score this burger, and I think it's important for me to let you know once again that we each give everything our own individual rating and then the final score is an average. There were four of us tonight and on almost everything, the others rated highly and I did not, so the average scores do not accurately reflect what any individual thought of this burger, but that's just the way the patty crumbles. As much as it has pained me to give you the actual scores (and I'm not even kidding when I say that my face is still red with the feeling of fury that can only come from the grave disappointment associated with an inedible burger) as opposed to dragging every score down to what **I** think it deserves, I have been honest with the numbers you see below. I rounded one down from a 0.5 where it would usually be rounded up, but that's because I'm the one writing it and I can. Haha. I wish I could lie, but I'm really, REALLY terrible at lying.
So, brace yourselves.
Had I not been there tonight, this burger would have ranked #2 on the leaderboard. I'm glad I WAS there, because my experience of that burger in no way reflects a rating that high - I don't think it had ANYWHERE near the quality of Burgastronomy or Enuf or Nordburger, and I guess that's where being the person charged with writing this blog every week I get to give more of my opinion than the others' so :P to everyone who doesn't agree with me. Hehehehe.
Bun 6/10
Hungry Hungry Hippo (had the sesame seed roll): "good amount of seeds, good thickness, felt a bit stale - it was too hard for a white roll and mine was stone cold."
Chicken (had the "panini"): "taste - beautiful, texture - beautiful, thickness - perfect. It was a little soggy on the bottom, but that wasn't a fault with the bread so much as a fault of the composition of the burger."
Chipolatte: "lightly toasted and warm, just right."
Me? I thought it was just a dense, doughy white bread roll. Good amount of seeds, but I agree with Hungry Hungry Hippo that it seemed a bit stale - I don't know if it WAS stale, but it was very dry on the edges and there was nothing about it I enjoyed. I guess it held the whole thing together, although I didn't eat mine so I had to judge that on how the others stood up.
Patty 6/10
Just a reminder that Chicken & Chipolatte had grilled chicken breast, Hungry Hungry Hippo and I had the beef.
Chicken: "The chicken was lean and juicy, it had a really nice char grill."
Chipolatte: "I agree with Chicken. It is succulent!"
Chicken: "Yes! I want you to say that this was hands down the best chicken "patty" of a chicken burger that Chicken has ever had!!"
Hungry Hungry Hippo: "the beef was very smoky and quite moist. The best thing about it was that because it was char grilled, you get those delicious crispy bits around the edges. Yum. It was a bit over cooked though, and the flavour was dominant."
Me? Ha, do you really want to know? Honestly??
It was dry, overdone, tasted like it was a frozen piece of cardboard and had no steakiness to it whatsoever. I couldn't eat it.
Value 7/10
Chipolatte: "I wouldn't say it's a ridiculous price, I enjoyed it, so pretty good value!"
Hungry Hungry Hippo: "Nice to see you can get a burger for under 13 bucks, but when you add the chips it goes up over 16 bucks a head, but yeah, I still say that's good value."
Chicken: "For the price, it was very high quality."
I completely disagree with Chicken. I suppose that being a fresh, juicy chicken breast, she could consider her burger filling to be of a high quality, but I did not find anything of quality in mine. Aside from the pickle. I think for $16 a head that's not terrible including fries IF it's a meal you enjoy, but I didn't eat anywhere near 16 dollars' worth. Still, my low score didn't affect the overall rating of this one much.
Balance & Composition 7/10
Chicken: "the bread could have held better if it was put together in the right way. The fillings were all in upside down!! I liked the carrot, but there was a LITTLE too much of it in the middle."
Hungry Hungry Hippo: "perfectly balanced & composed. The pickles were awesome! The size of the patty was correct for its strength of flavour; it wasn't so big that it overpowered everything else."
Chipolatte: "I agree with chicken. Mine had bacon too, which added a great crispiness to the overall mouth feel."
Because I only had one proper bite of this burger I found it difficult to rate, so I really considered the composition. I've said it before, but the way I think a burger should be put together is this:
So, brace yourselves.
Had I not been there tonight, this burger would have ranked #2 on the leaderboard. I'm glad I WAS there, because my experience of that burger in no way reflects a rating that high - I don't think it had ANYWHERE near the quality of Burgastronomy or Enuf or Nordburger, and I guess that's where being the person charged with writing this blog every week I get to give more of my opinion than the others' so :P to everyone who doesn't agree with me. Hehehehe.
Bun 6/10
Hungry Hungry Hippo (had the sesame seed roll): "good amount of seeds, good thickness, felt a bit stale - it was too hard for a white roll and mine was stone cold."
Chicken (had the "panini"): "taste - beautiful, texture - beautiful, thickness - perfect. It was a little soggy on the bottom, but that wasn't a fault with the bread so much as a fault of the composition of the burger."
Chipolatte: "lightly toasted and warm, just right."
Me? I thought it was just a dense, doughy white bread roll. Good amount of seeds, but I agree with Hungry Hungry Hippo that it seemed a bit stale - I don't know if it WAS stale, but it was very dry on the edges and there was nothing about it I enjoyed. I guess it held the whole thing together, although I didn't eat mine so I had to judge that on how the others stood up.
Patty 6/10
Just a reminder that Chicken & Chipolatte had grilled chicken breast, Hungry Hungry Hippo and I had the beef.
Chicken: "The chicken was lean and juicy, it had a really nice char grill."
Chipolatte: "I agree with Chicken. It is succulent!"
Chicken: "Yes! I want you to say that this was hands down the best chicken "patty" of a chicken burger that Chicken has ever had!!"
Hungry Hungry Hippo: "the beef was very smoky and quite moist. The best thing about it was that because it was char grilled, you get those delicious crispy bits around the edges. Yum. It was a bit over cooked though, and the flavour was dominant."
Me? Ha, do you really want to know? Honestly??
It was dry, overdone, tasted like it was a frozen piece of cardboard and had no steakiness to it whatsoever. I couldn't eat it.
Value 7/10
Chipolatte: "I wouldn't say it's a ridiculous price, I enjoyed it, so pretty good value!"
Hungry Hungry Hippo: "Nice to see you can get a burger for under 13 bucks, but when you add the chips it goes up over 16 bucks a head, but yeah, I still say that's good value."
Chicken: "For the price, it was very high quality."
I completely disagree with Chicken. I suppose that being a fresh, juicy chicken breast, she could consider her burger filling to be of a high quality, but I did not find anything of quality in mine. Aside from the pickle. I think for $16 a head that's not terrible including fries IF it's a meal you enjoy, but I didn't eat anywhere near 16 dollars' worth. Still, my low score didn't affect the overall rating of this one much.
Balance & Composition 7/10
Chicken: "the bread could have held better if it was put together in the right way. The fillings were all in upside down!! I liked the carrot, but there was a LITTLE too much of it in the middle."
Hungry Hungry Hippo: "perfectly balanced & composed. The pickles were awesome! The size of the patty was correct for its strength of flavour; it wasn't so big that it overpowered everything else."
Chipolatte: "I agree with chicken. Mine had bacon too, which added a great crispiness to the overall mouth feel."
Because I only had one proper bite of this burger I found it difficult to rate, so I really considered the composition. I've said it before, but the way I think a burger should be put together is this:
whereas, the one I had tonight had everything out of whack. The sauce was between the base and the lettuce, the lettuce was mashed underneath the patty (getting all soggy and wilted), the semi melted cheese was next to the cold mayo giving it that weird congealed texture and the bacon is wedged in with the salad, which would've made the bacon soggy if I'd given it a chance to sit there (which I didn't, because I picked it off and ate it while it was still crispy). I wasn't even going to comment on the composition, but I started to draw a little diagram in the book and the diagram made Chipolatte chuckle, so I figured I may as well include it. ;)
Flavour 6/10
Chicken: "Who would've thought carrot would work on a burger? Who? You?? Would YOU think so?? Really??? Well, neither did I! But guess what?? IT WORKS."
Chicken also made reference to the fact that given the opportunity she would never pick relish over ketchup, but "that right there? That's what relish SHOULD be. I'd pick THAT relish over ketchup ANY day!"
Hungry Hungry Hippo: "Delicious. Very flavoursome. The Relish itself was good relish. It was zingy. It had..."
Chipolatte: "Pep? Pizzazz!"
Hungry Hungy Hippo: "It had Shazam!"
Chipolatte: "Razzamatazz!!"
Chicken: "Can you please say, 'Chicken says KABOOM'?"
Chipolatte: "Everything was in perfect B-Harmony."
Chicken: "And unity! And justice for all!"
And me?
The pickles and the bacon were delicious, but the burger itself? I couldn't eat it.
Enough said.
Overall 6.4/10
Hungry Hungry Hippo says, "the place itself has a good vibe, the staff are friendly and helpful, although that could be because it's new. Still, it's in a decent location and I thoroughly enjoyed the burger."
Chicken says, "step aside frying pan! Step aside steaming pot!! It's all about Grill'd!"
Chipolatte says, "I really enjoyed that burger. In fact, you could say I'm THRILL'D!"
Never have I disagreed with the others so fiercely. Yes, my experience was marred by them having forgotten my order, but I was willing to forgive that error and put it down to new business jitters, but the burger I got was a) not worth the wait, b) not worth the money and c) not worth eating. I won't be coming back.
Grill'd can be found at Parade Central, Norwood.
Flavour 6/10
Chicken: "Who would've thought carrot would work on a burger? Who? You?? Would YOU think so?? Really??? Well, neither did I! But guess what?? IT WORKS."
Chicken also made reference to the fact that given the opportunity she would never pick relish over ketchup, but "that right there? That's what relish SHOULD be. I'd pick THAT relish over ketchup ANY day!"
Hungry Hungry Hippo: "Delicious. Very flavoursome. The Relish itself was good relish. It was zingy. It had..."
Chipolatte: "Pep? Pizzazz!"
Hungry Hungy Hippo: "It had Shazam!"
Chipolatte: "Razzamatazz!!"
Chicken: "Can you please say, 'Chicken says KABOOM'?"
Chipolatte: "Everything was in perfect B-Harmony."
Chicken: "And unity! And justice for all!"
And me?
The pickles and the bacon were delicious, but the burger itself? I couldn't eat it.
Enough said.
Overall 6.4/10
Hungry Hungry Hippo says, "the place itself has a good vibe, the staff are friendly and helpful, although that could be because it's new. Still, it's in a decent location and I thoroughly enjoyed the burger."
Chicken says, "step aside frying pan! Step aside steaming pot!! It's all about Grill'd!"
Chipolatte says, "I really enjoyed that burger. In fact, you could say I'm THRILL'D!"
Never have I disagreed with the others so fiercely. Yes, my experience was marred by them having forgotten my order, but I was willing to forgive that error and put it down to new business jitters, but the burger I got was a) not worth the wait, b) not worth the money and c) not worth eating. I won't be coming back.
Grill'd can be found at Parade Central, Norwood.